1.Original： Solving trivial problems in the dorm will add your social experience and helpyou to understand other people's feelings and learn to be kind.

　　Revised： Solving trivial problems in the dorm will enrich your social experience and helpyou to understand other people's feelings and learn to be considerate.

　　亮点评析

　　add，kind表达的含义都比较宽泛。add可以指数量上的增加，也可以指程度的加强，对于“丰富经验、增加知识”这个意思，用enrich会使表达更准确。kind从字面意义上讲是“好的、善良的”，用kind来形容人无法具体地表现出一个人的性格特征到底怎样，原句中是想表达“考虑周到、体贴入微”的特点，要准确表达这个含义应选择considerate。

　　2. Original： Science and technology have greatly influenced our lives and our society ischanging very rapidly.

　　Revised： Science and technology have come to pervade every aspect of our lives and, asa result, society is changing at a speed which is quite unprecedented.

　　亮点评析

　　greatly，rapidly属于常用词，表示程度高、速度快，这样的词在表达效果上不够具体，缺乏说服力，在修改后的句子中用了pervade every aspect of our lives就具体生动地表现出科技的影响力到底有多大，其影响力已渗透到我们生活的方方面面，at a speed which is quite unprecedented意为“以一种前所未有的速度”，形象地道出了变化速度之快。

　　3.Original： Young people tend to think that real life is as nice and interesting as it is inthe novels and movies, while more experienced adults think this kind of naive daydream willonly be destroyed by later experiences and every one should learn to get used to commoneveryday life.

Revised： Young people tend to think that real life is as dramatic and fascinating as it isin the novels and movies, while more experienced adults think this kind of naive daydreamwill only be destroyed by later experiences and every one should learn to get used to tediouseveryday life.

　　亮点评析

　　nice，interesting，common都属于普通词汇，用到句子中也显得平淡苍白。nice的意思是“好的，令人愉快的”，interesting是“有趣的”，这两个词都不能准确地描绘出年轻人所憧憬的美好生活，句中想表达的是年轻人认为生活如同小说、电影一般充满戏剧变化，激动人心，要体现这层含义应该用dramatic，fascinating。dramatic表示“刺激的，戏剧性的，给人深刻印象的”，fascinating表示“具有强烈吸引力的，迷人的，使人神魂颠倒的”，这两个词的程度要比nice，interesting深得多，表现力也更强。原句用common表达实际的现实生活的枯燥无味是不准确的，common的意思是“普通的，平常的”，普通平常的东西不一定是枯燥的，tedious是表示“(因过长、过慢或单调)令人厌倦的，烦人的”，恰好传达出现实生活由于琐碎和重复而变得索然无味这种含义。

　　4.Original： You should compete to live in this society.

　　Revised： You should compete for survival; otherwise, you will be thrown out of the tideof society.

　　亮点评析

　　原句平平淡淡，只是告诉人们要在社会立足，必须竞争，但这样一句简单的劝告似乎缺乏说服力，修改后的句子用了compete for survival，为了生存而竞争，而且后面又添加了一个并列分句，补充说明了如果不compete的后果就是be thrown out of the tide of society，被社会的浪潮所淘汰，使用这些更加具体深刻的词汇能够形象生动地表现出竞争的惨烈。

　　5.Original： I really believe that smoking is harmful to people's health.

　　Revised： I have a profound conviction that smoking is harmful to people's health.

　　亮点评析

　　conviction的意思是“坚定的看法或信仰”，have a profound conclusion表示对某种看法深信不疑，作文中提出观点的句子用have a profound conclusion会比用believe态度更坚决，立场更鲜明，而且believe这个词非常简单，是英语初学者就应掌握的词汇，换成have a profound conclusion立即增加了句子的复杂程度，体现了较强的语言运用能力。类似的提出观点的表达还有：

　　I hold a point of view that…

　　I hold the opinion that…

　　6.Original： We know that sometimes success is measured by how much money youearn.

　　Revised： It does not surprise us to discover that sometimes success is measured in termsof the money you earn.

　　亮点评析

　　如上句的believe一样，know也是非常初级的词汇，作文中出现I believe that…，I know that…这样的表达只能体现考生写作技巧的稚嫩，用It does not surprise us to discover that…替换We know that…并没有改变原句的含义，却使全句顿时增添了亮点。

　　7.Original:We all know that most factories would be of no use if there were not cleanwater supply.

　　Revised:It goes without saying that most factories would be of no use if there were notclean water supply.

　　亮点评析

　　同上例一样，know这样的初级词汇应避免在作文中使用，It goes without saying that…是一个固定结构，意思是“……是不言而喻的”，常在作文中用来引经据典或表明一个尽人皆知的道理，类似的表达还有：

　　An old saying goes that…

　　Proverb goes that…

　　It is universally acknowledged that…

　　It is generally accepted that…

　　8.Original： Some other people think that people should read extensively.

　　Revised： Another position says that people should read extensively.

　　亮点评析

　　同know，believe一样，think也应该尽量避免使用，修改后的句子中是用Another position saysthat…代替think提出另一种观点，也可以用hold a point of view，hold the opinion这样的短语替换。

　　9.Original： The unexpected win of the match give us confidence.

　　Revised： The unexpected win of the match boost our confidence.

　　亮点评析

　　give也属于英语中最初级、最基本的词汇，只表示“给，给予”这个动作，不涉及动作的性质和状态，若表示增添信心，增强士气，比较地道的说法是用boost confidence/morale，如：The change ofmanagement has boosted morale throughout the company.管理模式的改变使整个公司上下士气倍受鼓舞。

　　10.Original： The use of drugs has increased greatly in the last ten years.

　　Revised： The use of drugs has increased significantly in the last ten years.

　　亮点评析

　　greatly是一般用语，表示程度高，“很，非常”，使用相当普遍而没有新意，在写作中应尽量避免使用这些通俗而又陈旧的词汇，应换用一些更加正式，更有说服力的词语，例如significantly表示达到了非常重要的或可观的程度，“重大的，可观的”，能够具体说明药品使用方面，增长幅度巨大。significantly还可以替换成considerably，tremendously等，同样具有不错的表达效果。