请看一下例文

as most of people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual well being.

What factors contribute to job satisfaction?

How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?

(Entering 21^st century, the long hailed truism- live to work and work to live, has been under serious scrutiny.)(这是hook, 有必要吗？) Employees of different ages, education, creed and racial background are nowadays striving to find meaning(s) for their jobs and careers, other than being a good provider for the family and a valuable member for the society. In my view, several factors exert significant impact on how satisfied people feel about their jobs. (两句即可)

（回答第一个问题）

The first and foremost is the reward, both intrinsic and extrinsic in equal measures. (主题句， 你知道后面要说什么)Extrinsic reward is often of monetary and financial nature, designed to both properly compensate employees for their time and other inputs for the work, and adequately motivate them with the lure of extra-remuneration perks, like gifts or paid holidays. By comparison, what many employers fail to understand and provide is the intrinsic one whereby workers feel in love with the workload they undertake and the company that they work for. Making members of a team feel valued and their work appreciated is usually the crux of the good management. But it does not start or end with just CEOs or HR personnel of a given company.

(继续回答第一个问题)

The job satisfaction can also be derived from having an inclusive culture in a company, and that requires the effort of all people in the hierarchy. A company culture takes relatively long time to foster and cultivate, but equipping every employee, regardless of their respective positions, with a manual book detailing what an appropriate work clothe should be like or how each employee should behave toward each other is the first step. This is to be followed by the regular seminar or workshop where rules are explained, and grievances heard. （Building and nurturing a good organizational culture should not come at expense of normal functions of HR, the focus of which should still be on scientifically and fairly evaluating the performance of every employee while providing training opportunities for those who need them.）( 跑题了)

（回答第二个问题及结尾）

Having discussed the factors that contribute to the happiness of workers,（ 废话） I am quite certain that the chances of employees finding the meaning and satisfaction in the work they do are better now than the generation of our fathers and grandfathers. （There is legal recourse for settling disputes at work place; employers are more keenly aware than before of the importance of adequately rewarding and promoting talents; modern society is going through a transition where certain occupations, like creative artistic performance that help release people’s passion, are getting their well-deserved recognition.）（又跑题了）But irrespective of all positive changes either at a workplace or in the social context, what truly makes a person happy is the realization that he/she must love or learn to love his/her job and try to find joy in their careers. In the absence of that, no amount of rewards or promotions can really make them happy.     

这是一篇写的很excellent essay, 但在ielts test 里不容易得高分， why?

1. cohesion- 讨论不相关的事

2. length- 字数太多。 原文473. 你会给考官印象- 你在背模板。他不相信你能在40分钟你写出这么多字。

所以，雅思写作，并非是字数越多越好，而是表达精简达意，逻辑没有错误。

雅思写作的坑，你知道怎么避免了吗？