北木教育 > 雅思 > 雅思文章 > 如何正确对待雅思作文的参考范文（三）
如何正确对待雅思作文的参考范文（三）
发布时间：2018-12-14 杭州朗阁
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①While I agree that a long prison term may sometimes help us fight crime, we can consider community services as an alternative. ②These services can make some offenders, especially those who committed minor crimes, law-abiding citizens, who can learn responsibility and realize the damage caused by crimes to innocent people. ③If they are sentenced to prison, they will possibly make friends with other offenders. ④They will no repent or take stock of their lives, so they may reoffend after being released, which can pose a threat to other members of society.
分析：
第一句话承上启下，指出另外一种惩罚犯罪分子的方法：community services；as an alternative用得比较普遍，学生可以积累，表示‘作为另外一种选择’；
第二句话很长，在完整的句子（These services can make some offenders law-abiding citizens.）的基础上，用插入语（especially those who committed minor crimes）对some offenders做了特殊限定，有用从句（who can learn responsibility and realize the damage caused by crimes to innocent people）修饰law-abiding citizens。句型比较复杂，对平时写作不多的学生来说，几乎达不到这样的水平，但学生可以通过自己的理解进行简化：These services can make some offenders obey the law and learn to realize the damage caused by crimes to others.
第三第四句话从反面来论述送进监狱的弊端，其中第三句话比较容易，第四句话中的单词不常用，比如repent和take stock of，依然，我们可以做这样的修改：They, thus, may recommit crimes after being released, which can pose a threat to other members of society.
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①We can also provide educational opportunities and vocational training for them, improving their interpersonal skills. ②It is worth noting that many juvenile offenders or first-time offenders broke the law because of a lack of social experience or low socio-economic status. ③Crime is no longer an option, if they find work and understand legal responsibilities. ④The prison can isolate criminals from society, shattering their confidence in finding work and reintegrating into society.
分析：
第一句话开门见山地给出另外的措施educational opportunities and vocational training，分词结构improving their interpersonal skills相当于which引导的从句，（但是分词结构更受考官的青睐，这种从句与分词之间的转换方法学生不妨可以熟悉一下，不难掌握） 作用是补充说明这个措施的作用。
第二句话从犯罪的原因表明这个方法的有效性。句中juvenile offenders（青少年犯罪分子） or first-time offenders（初犯者）是很好的criminal的具体表达方式；同时注意到句中用的是because of而不是because，所以在写句子时要谨慎后面所加的内容。
第三句话用词虽然不难，但学生不会表达。学生可能会表达为：if they find work or understand the law, they will not make such mistakes.
最后一句话依然超出了普通学生的接受能力。
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Overall, I agree that the harsh penalty can deter crime, but it is not the best approach. Through other rehabilitation programs, we can build a happy and stable society.
分析：
简简单单的总结，和开头观点相呼应：I agree that the harsh penalty can deter crime= This approach may be effective；But it is not the best approach. Through other rehabilitation programs =but we should also consider other ways to reform offenders.
这个总结还可以再具体一点：Overall, I agree that the harsh penalty can make people no longer free, community service and education are also constructive in reducing crimes.
网络上的范文有很多是转载而来，出处也无非是官方范文或者参考书，另外一小部分是不同培训机构的老师的个人原创，也有海外学生的文章和个别英语佼佼者，五花八门，眼花缭乱。其中不乏有很好的范文，但也有错误的，学生在参考之前要有初步的筛选。
总之，我们不能成为参考范文的被动接受者，而应该加入自己的理解，真正地、彻底地明白为什么会有这样的范文，哪些内容值得借鉴再利用，哪些可以摒弃，自己的思路和范文的差距在哪里。参考的价值就在于甄别的过程，而不是照搬。
